Raising an athletic kid can certainly bring extra parenting challenges.
Yes – we get to be there to celebrate the wins and accomplishments with them. But, it’s also up to us to provide support through the ups and downs of practices, competition and life as an athlete.
I grew up in sports, then became a coach, and then became a mom to three athletic kids.
All of those experiences made me aware of the critical role of parents when a child is involved in athletics.
Then, in my training for my master’s degree in sport and performance psychology, this idea was reinforced.
Now, as a mental performance coach, I have five tips I like to share with parents who are supporting athletes.
1. Don’t Compare
Theodore Roosevelt once said that comparison is the thief of joy.
When we compare our kids to other athletes or to their siblings, we may dilute their accomplishments and change their personal idea of success.
Every athlete has their own timeline, their own goals, their own strengths and weaknesses. So be careful not to compare your child to anyone else.
Instead, celebrate their uniqueness, their successes and cheer them on as they reach their goals in their own time.
2. Practice active listening
When our kids struggle, it may be our first reaction to jump in with ideas on how to “fix” things.
Certainly, there are times when our kids may need some advice or extra parental support, but a lot of times, they just want to be heard and seen and understood.
So when your child talks about their sport experience, instead of reacting, practice active listening.
If you can stop what you are doing and make eye contact.
Listen carefully, and if they are looking for a response, try mirroring back what they said.
Try phrases like:
“It sounds like your coach had a lot of feedback today.”
“What I hear you saying is that today’s practice left you feeling discouraged.”
When all else fails, you can ask – “what do you need right now?”
You can even offer some ideas – ask your athlete if they need a snack, some time to recover on their own, or maybe a healthy distraction, like going outside to shoot hoops.
3. Empower your child to use their own voice with coaches
A big benefit of NOT jumping in to solve all of our kids’ problems, and instead, offering active listening, is that we can help them identify their feelings.
Then, they can use that information in interactions with coaches.
It’s important that young athletes feel empowered to use their voices and express emotion with their coaches.
If this feels unsafe, this is a time when parents can and should step in, but otherwise, encourage your athlete to speak openly with their coaches about how they are feeling, and any struggles they may be experiencing.
4. Remind youth athletes that every day is NOT going to feel great or easy
In sports, and in life, there will be hard days.
As parents, it’s part of our job to remind our kids that this is normal and natural. In fact, the hard stuff we experience often means we are learning and growing!
So bumpy days, crummy practices, setbacks and not reaching goals in the timeframe that an athlete was hoping for are all part of the experience of sports.
When it feels right, remind your child that these struggles are helping them grow as people. But when your child is just having a hard day and doesn’t want to hear about how it’s a growth opportunity, be sure to practice active listening, and lend support.
5. Be mindful of your body language
Did you know that researchers believe that up to 93 percent of the messages we get from people comes from their body language?
We can say SO much without speaking a word, so be mindful of how you act and react to stressful situations with your child.
Even a shake of the head can feel discouraging, especially when an athlete is going through a challenging time.
When in doubt, think of something that makes you feel calm as you interact with your child. If that isn’t working, remember that unless your child is very emotional, it’s OK to step away, take a few deep breaths and come back. In fact, this models how to handle big emotions.
Supporting your athlete is not about perfection
We all mess up as parents, and it’s OK to make mistakes.
Supporting your athlete is not about perfection.
Instead, it’s about being there, showing support, listening and sometimes holding back so that your child can learn valuable lessons and life skills.
Keep in mind – you should absolutely trust your gut, and you know your child better than anyone – so if something feels off to you, for instance if a coach’s feedback continually feels overly negative or unkind, that’s a time to step in and be your child’s advocate.
Coaches are not infallible, and as parents, we should put our child’s mental health ahead of everything else.
But during the day-to-day of raising an athlete, remember that your job is to cheer your child on as they pursue their passion, and always be a safe place for them to land.
When your athlete needs more support
In my role as a mental performance coach, I frequently see athletes who are feeling worn down and discouraged.
They have supportive, caring parents, and yet, they are really struggling in their athletic journey,
If this feels familiar, don’t be afraid to reach out.
I have a whole toolbox of skills to share with youth athletes that can help them reframe their experiences, build self-esteem and confidence, and begin again from a healthier place.
I offer training in person and online, and have extensive experience working with youth athletes.
As a parent, I know the worries we have about our kids, and I’m here to help.
To book a free 15 minute consultation, head here.
